My name is Junior H.
I do admit that “Ministry of Seduction” sounds corny… but heck, let’s just go with it. 
About myself…
Im just like the normal guy that you see on the street. Though i find myself really fun to be with and had no problem making friends, I simply could not be confident when i meet the women that i like. The scenarios always goes like this: Im out in the street and i see this really beautiful woman.
Suddenly, there is this inner courtroom debate happening inside me. I become the judge/jury and i need to decide if i am to approach her or to just give that passive look, while enjoying her beauty from afar. Scenarios of rejection lines from her (Back off jerk!), other people laughing and judging me, and “what if she don’t like me” kinda thoughts keep entering my mind.
“Oh man, i felt like a loser if that happens…” I thought to myself
I felt that that’s not fair. I’m a fun guy to be with and that i totally deserved her. It’s not fair to blow me off just like this without giving me a chance. I felt undeserving.
At the same time, i felt like a castrated man. I couldn’t even bring myself to do an approach on the girl that i liked. It is just as simple as going ahead, look her in the eyes and say something. Anything. “Heyy, hows it going?” will do.
But i chickened out, every single time. Those negative scenarios just keep attacking my mind. Eventually, i just told myself, “It’s ok, im just not ready. In a week’s time, i will be ready.”
Or…
“She’s not exactly that pretty. I’ll wait for the perfect woman to appear then I’ll do it.”
Or…
“I need to work on my approach. I need some more pickup lines. I need to dress better, change a hairstyle…”
You get the gist.
I’ll do whatever it takes, to convince myself otherwise, than to do that damn approach.
Hmmm. Sounds familiar?
So i decided that i need to deal with this issue. We are guys, and guys likes to solve problems. I head on to the internet and find out about this whole “pickup” community alive and running. I looked through some of them and were convinced of their results. I ended up buying attraction ebooks after ebooks.
And every book seems to bring me tons of insights about women, especially the beautiful ones. I feel like i am the pro now! I feel like i know a lot about women. I felt extremely confident and i went on to the streets. Armed with the new “skills” that i have, i told myself that the very next beatuful girl that walks past, i will approach her and charm her down.
However… I still can’t do it.
Mindset shift no.1: Reading does not equate to understanding. Understanding does not mean you can do it.
Does it mean that what the pickup artists or dating coaches’ books are useless?
Absolutely no! I thank them so much for their insights and learning-curve shortcuts that they have provided. In fact, the right information is so valuable and i will buy it with no qualms.
What i have been doing is to procrastinate on taking that damn approach. I have been searching for that holy grail in attraction, keep buying different ebooks in an attempt to continue “learning and reading”, and therefore, giving myself a huge excuse for postponing that approach.
This brings me to another point: How do i transfer the knowledge that i read into myself?
How do i become just as good as the dating coaches? There must be something that “clicks” in their minds and is not happening for me.
I dug deeper. I learn more about the brain and hypnosis. (Thats not a procrastinating excuse, but i actually forced myself to do an approach before reading anymore…)
And that particular forced approach turns out quite well though not my ideal one.
So whats the magic keyword? Action.
Pure, simple, boring yet effective action: Action.
Action will make you learn and understand things better than reading. You might make a few mistakes. Take a whole big detour and eventually “get it”. But somehow, action makes you understand what you’re learning.
There is no way around that.
Mindset shift no. 2: The tipping point
I know that i need to take action, and that all it takes is action to build confidence.
But, i seemed to be able to procrastinate by a weird thought that i have: I have to be an expert at attracting women before going out with/approach/date a woman
There was once i was reading an entrepreneurship blog and it perfectly explained this weird mindset that i have.
I was perceiving the progression from novice to expert as:
Stage 1: You suck
Stage 2: Expert
It should actually be:
Stage 1: Start (Action)
Stage 2: Keep going and going and going until you nailed it.
The full article illustrate it better with drawing of owls (it’s short) : http://ben.casnocha.com/2010/11/how-to-draw-an-owl.html
The road to mastery something, in our context approaching women, doesn’t just happened like this. The dating coaches, pickup artists (PUAs) or anyone determined enough to become better with women does not become good just in a snap.
Rome is not built in a day and definitely not 2 days…
You too.
And this brings us to the tipping point as discussed in Malcolm Gladwell’s book: The Tipping Point
He roughly mentioned (i’m paraphrasing) that it takes little things and little actions that is being done over some time before a phenomenon or change happened.
The phenomenon doesn’t just happen suddenly. Little changes can make a huge difference.
And this brings us to make small changes bit by bit every day, in your mindset or in taking action. Somehow or rather as the days goes by… there will be a “click” in your mind, and yes, the tipping point where everthing starts to make sense.
Let me remind you that in my journey, there are many little tipping points, and it is always enlightening to get to that point. My motivation is therefore to take enough action to hit the next little tipping point, no matter how small it is. And over the years, I’ve realized that that satisfaction is much higher than knowing that you are already an expert.
In fact, even dating experts or experts are learning new things still despite of their knowledge. This tells us that no one knows every thing in the world. So don’t aimed to know everything or become an expert, just aim to be better in every attempt.
Be focused in taking small actions daily and it is more realistic, isn’t it?
This will get over your procrastination inertia.
Mindset shift no. 3: The chatterbox and me
I had another realization. I found that much of the inertia that i had when i wanted to do any approach comes from the negative thoughts. If I can find a way to shut it… isn’t that better?
Won’t i just feel more at ease and less resistance when i’m going to approach the girl that i like?
That’s when the lessons that i learnt from hypnosis applies even more so. I started to do affirmations, self hypnosis… breaking the negative thought consciously and don’t let it get carried away.
People always asked me if hypnosis is real.
My answer to this question is that: It is real as hypnosis is simply to bring down your conscious mind through relaxation so that you or the hypnotist can talk straight to your subconscious mind; where its powers to effect change is huge.
Its focus is about breaking the same old neural pathways that you had with yourold habitual negative thoughts.
As mentioned by our dear Einstein: ” Insanity is when you are doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results”
Hypnosis is the tool used to break your habitual negative thoughts and gives you the ability to create different results other than your old, self limiting “i-can’t-do-it” thoughts.
However, i strongly do not advocate the belief that hypnosis is all it takes, just as is my take on meta-physics and spiritual thingy. Hypnosis is a tool… to help you take action.
So if you are expecting to just use hypnosis and not to take action and expect yourself to be good with women… dream on!
Not only had hypnosis impacted me a lot, the ideas from the book: The Power Of Now had impacted me too.
In the book, Echkart Tolle has talked a lot about shutting the chatterbox in your mind, which he terms as your “ego”. And this ego is the thoughts that thinks about the past and future which prevents you from being present.
The gist of the book is to let you know that you need to be aware that this chatterbox is not you. This awareness that you are not you is a great realization and that you should be consciously present, to be in the moment.
And the benefits are two-folds:
1) You are focusing on being present and not distracted by future (what others think about you) or past (your past experience with other girls etc) or simply any negative thoughts at all.
2) By being in the moment, you are being more congruent and women can sense that authenticity in you.
This will create a very attractive and strong presence that you had which some girls might had some problems trying to resist it.
Mindset shift no. 4: How i kick my own ass
I am self learning throughout my attraction journey. And the issue with self learning is that my back is not against the wall.
Yes, if i couldn’t get any approaches, i still had my own social circles around… and most of my good guy friends suck at it too, which i seek comfort in whining together with them.
It is just too comfortable to not change, though a change brings about rewards… but delayed.
The fastest way to change is to get a dating coach, live.
Not everyone has the money or time to actually attend a boot camp or consultation where dating instructors guides you directly. In these cases, the time spend with instructors greatly shortens the learning curves due to immediate feedback and accountability.
Immediate feedback is an important concept in making change as experience instructors are able to correct your mistakes immediately. A lot of people eventually gave up changing is because they can’t get immediate feedback on what they are doing wrong. Without immediate feedback, you simply can’t learn fast enough.
Dating instructors are accountability partners. They will drag you out and make sure that you just do it. And the heavy price that you have to pay is your “accountability partner” too. Without accountability, your mind has ways to convince yourself simply not to do it… same old story.
We have to understand that time is precious. You either trade experience or learning with these currencies: time, money or energy.
It is a world based on value exchange and if you think that you can just keep on taking away value from others without any of your inputs… you are dead wrong.
So this brings us to why i’m writing this blog: i want to offer the tools and information which can gives yourself some accountability to enforce your own attraction change. You need to kick your own ass… no one else will, unless of course if you pay
For those guys who needs attraction products to get a gist of what to improve on or simply to pick the brains of these dating experts, there will be some products which I recommend which either provide a good framework, good information, good coaching/experience or have a step-by-step methodology which is conducive to change.
I definitely do not advocate the products that I have not bought before.
Finally, if you are thinking, am i the expert?
I definitely hope that i am not one yet, as there are still things that i am learning from different people and myself. I love my little tipping points.
But i can tell you that i know much more than the average guy who has problems with women, or simply can’t get their ass off to approach the beautiful woman that he sees on the streets.
Just remember that your life is always a work-in-progress and that uncertainty is sure to be there as we can never predict the future.
So… why not just focus in the now?
Just do it.
Disclosure: I am proud to support this blog using affiliate marketing (come on, i need to eat too!) as a way to earn revenue. Links mentioning other products, services, or websites are often, not always, special links that earn me a commission when you use or pay for their product/service. Please do not use this site if this alarms you…