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By Jeffy "Jlaix", Executive Coach for Real Social
Dynamics
Ok, so today
we're gonna take another magical journey
into the old RSD Mailbag. Let's do it...
*** QUESTION
***
Hey man, I've
been in field a lot so don't mix this
post up of a newbie since I've done my fair share of
approaches and know a lot of game.
My issue is
that my results are very inconsistent.
Like I will isolate sometimes and then it will take
a while for it to happen again. I will get girls
asking questions and then it won't happen for a
while. By the way, I've done about 99% cold
approaches and just about 5 social circle ones.
So my question
is this. I have a very strong field
intuition now and I'm getting non-verbal indicators
of interest (standard feet pointing toward me,
leaning in, paying attention, giggling, etc.) but for
some reason, I'm not getting any verbal indicators of
rapport. I will get body language cues but rarely
any verbal "how old are you?" "what's your name?"
etc. Is this simply a miscalibration or is it because
their buying temperature not high enough to seek it
verbally?
The reason I
ask is this question has been lingering
on my mind for ages and I have been going in,field
trying to fix it up but to no avail. I don't want a
Blind leading blind situation so your help will be
greatly appreciated. Thanks.
-Seifer
>>>>>>
MY REPLY:
Okay. Having
not seen your game in person, I'm forced
to make certain assumptions based on what you've said.
First of all,
I worry that you're overly concerned
with playing the buying temperature game.
What I mean by
this is something we call "outcome
dependence".
Somebody who
is outcome dependent is SEEKING
attraction. This can lead to a scenario where you
end up trying harder and harder to generate those
indicators you're looking for by spitting more and
more game.
It's like,
"Oh, I spit my tightest line and it didn't
work... quick, spit another before she loses interest
... oh shit, that didn't work either... spit
another, another!!!"
The end
result? The chick becomes interested all
right... 'cause you're her entertainment for the
night.
She has no
real interest in hooking up with you, but
you're an amusing "dancing monkey" for her and her
friends.
While it may
be entertaining, the bottom line is: no
chick wants to bang a monkey. Unless they have some
seriously weird fetish.
So yeah,
they'll show indicators of interest to keep
you around, but when closing time rolls around it's,
"Nice to meet you! Bye bye!"
Just another
example of how CARING about the outcome
of the interaction causes you to fail. Ironic.
Another
possible explanation that comes to mind would
be that you're not moving the set forward.
Are you
escalating things once the set is obviously
open to your presence? Or do you just stand there
spinning your wheels, bombarding them with attract
material long past the point where they're interested?
Indicators of
interest are just that: they tell you
they are INTERESTED, nothing more.
Remember, it's
YOUR responsibility to escalate. These
girls aren't gonna do it for you, except in RARE
instances.
So, given
these possible explanations, I'm gonna
prescribe the following:
FIRST. Do
everything you can to avoid the dancing
monkey trap. That means using the least amount of
high octane material possible to get them interested.
Use some right off the bat, after your opener, to get
them hooked. After that, use it sparingly, as a tool
to spike the energy of the interaction when you sense
it's waning.
You want the
girls to be CONTRIBUTIVE. In other words,
not just standing there listening to you and laughing.
You still want to lead and direct the conversation,
but you need to make sure that it is in fact a
CONVERSATION, not just you giving a stand-up routine.
SECONDLY. Make
sure you have a definite idea where
you're at and where you want to go, then make sure
that you're constantly moving things in that direction,
slowly but surely.
Again, once
you've hooked them, start getting
physical (by degrees). Simultaneously, start building
rapport, both wide and deep. A lot of guys think of
the seduction process as being very linear, like
"Attract-Then Build Comfort-Then Get Physical". What
they don't realize is that these things must happen
concurrently during the interaction, in harmony.
Anyway, if
you're just pumping buying temperature,
it's hard for them to take you seriously... you
become a sort of cartoon character.
Your comment
about miscalibration isn't off the mark.
Pay more attention to how you're emotionally affecting
the girls, and realize that at some point, you
actually have to stop playing a character and CONNECT
with them on some level.
Once you do
that, you'll start getting those verbal
indicators of rapport. At that point, get them into
isolation and GO TO WORK.
Hope that
helps... cheers.
*** SUCCESS
STORY ***
I took the
seminar.
The social
dynamics learned at the seminar can
be applied anywhere, even though there was an obvious
focus on women. I've been getting more respect from
friends, peers, and coworkers, since taking the
program. Hell, even drivers give me more respect.
Someone will try to cut me off, then I'll look at
him like "Yes?" and he'll back off and signal for me
to drive ahead of him.
It sounds
crazy but my model of the world and
myself has completely changed since the seminar. Any
abuse anyone has ever given me has been reframed and
is no longer held in my memories as painful or
degrading.
The segments
on "out-alphaing" are worth it
alone. How would you like to be able to defend
yourself against ANYONE making fun of you EVER
again? Yeah, it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but
the stuff they teach is full proof.
If any of you
were picked on in high school or
middle school or whatever, you HAVE to take this
program. It'll reframe your past experiences so
they're no longer painful, plus you'll understand
why it happened and why it has nothing to do with
your value as a person. I had been to therapy off
and on for years and nothing has given me as much
personal change and growth as this weekend.
The more time
passes, the more I continue to grow
from this experience. I'm getting more realizations
and epiphanies as the weeks go on. I've taken another
seminar where I received personal change work
hypnosis, and RSD blows it completely out of the
water in terms of your personal change and growth.
If you're not
successful with women, you always
wonder if you look good enough. My belief before
was "I'm not good looking enough to get girls
without doing any game." My belief now is "I'm good
looking, but that's not enough to get laid, I need
game too." What a reframe, huh.
On the subject
of looks, another major epiphany
is your realization that you don't' need great (or
even good) looks to get laid. A couple instructors
had some extra gut baggage, most were average looking,
a few good looking guys, and a couple below average.
The best guys weren't necessarily the best looking
either. If you want to get over your looks concerns
go to RSD. You'll realize your looks are definitely
good enough to get the job done once you get your
game in place.
Overall, this
is an awesome experience and
you all should go. It'll be a while before I go to
another workshop/seminar because I'm still seeping
everything I learned. It's an intense weekend for
sure.
- Dan A., San
Diego
>>>>>>
MY REPLY:
Dude, I think
I'm one of the instructors that you
refer to as "having extra gut baggage", so I had to
laugh at that... but yeah, looks actually matter far
less than one might suspect. This has been
detrimental to my health in some ways, because the
fact that I've been with some extremely hot girls in
spite of my beer gut kind of takes away some of the
motivation to work out.
All kidding
aside, I'm really glad to hear that the
program has paid such dividends in your life. I hear
the same comments from a lot of guys as well.
It's
interesting that you refer to the "out-
alphaing" segments of the program in the context of
being made fun of in high school. Somebody once
suggested that we start a separate program on
verbal jousting just for high school kids.
Interesting
too that you talk about experiencing a
continual growth, weeks after having taken the
program. This is by design.
We plant the
seeds and give you the tools, then set
you loose on the world. After that, it's all up to
you.
Take care Dan,
and keep it up.
*** QUESTION
***
Jeffy,
I've been in
the game for about four months now and
I feel like I'm having some decent success. I've
always been pretty good (decent) with women so I think
I have a lot of potential to get good pretty quick..
But my
question is this.. when I'm at the club, I can
approach groups of girls no problem, and even groups
of girls and guys no problem. But for some reason , I
freeze up when I see a two set of one girl and one
guy. I don't know why, but I can't approach those
sets. Maybe cause it seems like they're more
intimate or something. I dont know.
What's the
best way to approach these kinds of sets?
- Rick B.
>>>>>>
MY REPLY:
Rick. Listen.
These guy-girl two sets are often my
FAVORITES to approach, because it's so easy to get
attraction. A lot of times, guys see these sets
and assume they're a couple. Funny thing is, 90% of
the time, it's not their boyfriend, but some random
guy they just met, or a co-worker, or their brother,
etc. etc.
When opening
these sets, you can do one of several
things.
You can work
the guy and ignore the girl.
OR, you can
work the guy until he's commited to not
having a prob with you being there and then move to
the girl (this should take only seconds to 1 minute).
OR you can
blow the guy out completely (this last
one is easily done when you are 'alpha', because the
girls give you so much attention so quickly, that
the guys just give up and walk away with their tail
between their legs).
I use all
three, by using common sense.
Sometimes,
guys ask me what is better, going to the
target or engaging the whole group. The answer is to
use your brain and common sense. Imagine that.
Do what is
natural and the path of least resistance
in the particular situation.
The only rule
of pickup is to be clearly cooler than
the girl.
That being the case, take the path of least social
resistance, based on what you can tell will
obviously work.
Many of the
"rules" of pickup are generalities and
ideas that are intended to make things run more
smoothly, but always need to be moderated by common
sense.
My personal
most common approach on guy/girl mixed
sets is to engage the group, but the second the guy
gives tacit consent to me being there, I blow him
out on the spot and engage the girl directly.
This takes
only seconds.
Typically I
prefer for him to stay there, because I
can eclipse him so strongly that him sitting there
watching me only increases my status.
This is like
striking out like a tiger or something.
Like
seriously, you go in and come across way cooler
than the guy within seconds, and the instant that he
obviously is lower than you he is tooled and you cut
into the girl and go for it.
Still, if I
see the girl is going crazy getting all
wet by me ignoring her, I'll keep it up. Some girls
are just like that, and if I see it I calibrate by
playing it out.
Or the dude
may be just a cool guy, in which case
I'll hang with him and I know he'll hook me up
(which has happened to me many times). I use common
sense.
Have I
mentioned common sense?
__________________________________________________
Take Control
Of Your Social Life TODAY.
__________________________________________________
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our Personalized Workshops and Bootcamps. If you
really want to take your game to the next level in
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finish. We give you the tools you need to get girls
attracted to you FAST, and the skills and self-
confidence you need to convert that attraction into
something more.
Each night,
you'll take those skills into the field
with the RSD Executive Coaches. You'll do interaction
after interaction, pushing further and further past
your limits, with the Executive Coaches there to
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Our
bulletproof system is the final product of years
of fine-tuning, polishing, and perfecting. It'll
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Knowing what
to do and when to do it can shave YEARS
off of your learning curve. That's YEARS of crash &
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alone you won't have to suffer through.
Why go through
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If you're
thinking that this is something you want
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now, then check out our schedule and sign up for
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http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/seminars.asp
During your
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Then you'll be
pushed some more!
And the entire
time, the RSD executive coaches will be there,
not only to provide you with intensely detailed feedback and
suggestions, but also to demonstrate what is REALLY possible.
To learn more
about RSD Personalized Bootcamps, visit:
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/bootcamps.asp
This is an
investment that pays dividends for a LIFETIME.
Well, it's
about that time of the day when I go through
my phone and make my nightly calls, so I'm gonna end
this issue right about here. Thanks again for reading
our newsletter. See you next time.
Sincerely,
Jeffy,
Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
PS...Do you
have any questions or success stories that
you'd like to see in this newsletter? Email them to
me at jlaix@realsocialdynamics.com and I'll answer
them personally. I'll provide the solution to any
challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even
if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has
probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
•
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____________________________________________________
Jeffy
is an
Executive Coach for Real Social Dynamics. He has dated some of the
world's most desired women and travels around the world as a date coach
for clients while teaching seminars on how to do the same. Real Social
Dynamics have conducted Live Programs for thousands of clients,
including Fortune 500 executives, celebrities, college students and
professionals, from over 30 different countries. _________________________________________________________________
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